Day 6 So Sore

I kept my promise to Po and took the dogs out for 2.25 miles this morning at 6:00am and guess what, Po ran away from me when I tried to put the leash on him!  Jerk!  I guess he's not a morning dog and prefers running at night, just like me!  Eventually he woke up and the two dogs enjoyed their run.  I weighed myself after my run and was down a total of 4 1/2!  I'm very happy about my results this week.  I know the bulk of it is likely water weight but it's always encouraging to see the scale go down regardless of the reason.  Tomorrow morning will be day 7 and I'm hopeful for a good number.  Tonight will be difficult because it's a Friday night, I'll be home alone since Matt is working and I'll likely stay up late.  Normally I would have some wine, dark chocolate, a snack here, a snack there.  This would be fine if it was my cheat night, but it's not so I need to be very aware of what I'm eating and why.

On another note, I am SO SORE from Wednesday's workout.  My legs from hip to ankle and abs hurt just to breath and today's workout promises not to let up at all!  Being so sore got me thinking about my weaknesses and lets be honest I have a lot of them!  It would be difficult to name everything I can't do correctly, can't do the prescribed weight, can't do very fast, can't do very efficiently.  As much as Crossfit makes me feel good about what I accomplish, it's also bringing awareness to my weaknesses and to the idea of failure.  Failure is not something easy to deal with but is something you need to be okay with, something you need to welcome in order to improve.  No one is good at everything and in fact most of us are not good at most things.

More often than not I don't finish first, I don't lift the most weight and I don't run the fastest, I can't do as many reps or as many rounds.  In my head I feel like I can and should be able to be the top girl in the gym but in reality I'm not and probably won't ever be.  This idea of failure and weaknesses is something that I used to get hung up on.  I would focus so much on what everyone else was doing I couldn't appreciate the gains and progress I was making.  I really don't know where this changed for me, but one day I stopped stressing about what everyone else was doing.  Do I want to finish first, lift the most?  Yes!  Do I try every day to be first, lift the most etc?  Yes!  Do I get discouraged when I don't?  No, not anymore.  This has probably been my biggest achievement. 

My next achievement that I want to make? I want to be able to mentally push myself further.  I want to learn how to train through breathlessness, I want to be able to dig deeper than I have been and find that inner bitch that says I'm going to finish this and you're not going to beat me (even if I do get beat by someone or the workout itself!).  I find myself getting to that point of no return.  That point where I really might pass out, I really might throw up but then I stop, I take a few seconds to catch my breath.  Do I think you should train this hard every day?  No, it's probably not healthy.  However, I really want to see myself push beyond that point, go beyond my comfort zone to a place where I don't know what to expect next.  I don't know what my body is going to do but I don't care because mentally I'm taking myself there.  Its that badass self that I know is in there and I like to pretend I am all of the time, but I'm not.  Its that badass part of myself that I need to tap in to in order to really see what I'm capable of doing!

My nickname, given to me by one of Matt's Sergents at LO is Bad B.  At least this is one of my nicknames.  It hasn't caught on at the gym yet and so my goal is to earn that nickname.  To be Bad B!  When I do the WOD today I'm going all out.  I'm not going to look at the wall to see what everyone else did, I'm just going all out.  I pushing myself beyond my comfort zone and I'm not stopping until I'm done.  Whatever my time ends up being doesn't matter.  What matters is that I pushed myself and know deep down that I couldn't have given more.  And then guess what, I'm going to do it again tomorrow!  I get to take Sunday off so you know what, suck it up and do it!

Wow, I just tough talked myself in my own blog while sitting in my cubicle at work, I love it!  Time for lunch and I can't wait!  Running in the early AM speeds up the metabolism that's for sure!

3:01 - Today has been super slow at work, I just re-read my self tough talk and am pumped.  I'm pumped for the gym and lets be honest, SUPER PUMPED FOR MONDAY!!  I can't wait to watch the Ducks play Auburn.  I've been trying to not be that annoying Duck fan but come on now, we're playing in the championship game on Monday!!  Anyways, I'm excited for the workout and I'm excited to push myself through my soreness and see what I can achieve.  I'm feeling strong today, at least mentally strong, and can't wait.  About 30 more minutes at work then I'm out of here, going to try to warm up early and go through some mobility work before the WOD since I'm so sore.