S.E.L.F

A few weeks ago I went wine tasting with friends and family, and had a blast!  At our last stop, by dad insisted on buying me something from this lady selling hand-made jewelry.  I picked out a fun necklace with a zebra colored stone and never thought twice about how something so seemingly simple can give a big confidence boost.  I normally look in the mirror and go straight to what I don't like about myself. This morning - Ugh, I picked at my face and now have sores to cover up, I am down one pound but up 4 from a few weeks ago, I wish my hair was longer, I wish my teeth were whiter, I wish I was skinner....you know, the normal drill.

I finished getting ready, got dressed and reached for that necklace my dad bought me.  As soon as I put it on, I felt an instant boost of confidence.  It didn't make me skinner, it didn't make my hair longer, but some how this simple piece made me feel better.  Maybe its the compliments it gets, but how can something so simple contribute so highly to my feelings of self worth?  You all probably have that dress, that pair of pants, a piece of jewelry, something that makes you feel like a million bucks when you put it on.

Why can't we feel this good about ourselves all the time?  Why do I focus on my faults rather than celebrate my strengths?  I am getting better at it, but I still find myself picking myself apart, in my head, in the mirror.  In my search to figure this out, I found an article that talked about self-compassion.  All too often we value high self-esteem, which is based on our accomplishments and can result in us feeling bad when we come up short on a specific goal, make a bad decision, or fail to measure up to our own standards.  Instead, we should practice self-compassion, a concept that is easy to give to others, but often hard to give to ourselves. 

Here is a quote from the article, written by Dr. Leslie Becker-Phelps.

"It's not that high self-esteem is bad; it's just that an overemphasis on achievement leaves people vulnerable. Rather, we are better off basing our relationship with ourselves on self-compassion. In this way, we will always strive toward being kind to ourselves, valuing ourselves as human beings, feeling connected with others, and actively pursuing our best interests. With this as our base, we can enjoy the momentary boosts to our self-esteem when we succeed, but endure the hits to our self-esteem when we fail."  You can find the full article HERE.

I, for one, need to be much nicer to myself.  I am so hard on myself, which only results in me making more bad decisions and feeling worse about them.  Can you forgive yourself for making a bad decision, for falling short of your healthy lifestyle goals, or do you also come down hard on yourself?  This is definitely an area I will work on improving!